Q&A

Abusive Sister, Enabling Family

QUESTION My older sister has been emotionally abusive to me, two younger sisters, and (when they tried to step in and help) my parents.  She has manipulated others in the family to believe that we have mistreated her, even though they will admit that she overreacts to things, and gets upset and lashes out when things do not go her way.  Three siblings said things, in front of the entire family, that were derogatory and…

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I Have a Daughter Who Lies

QUESTION My oldest daughter, Krista (not her real name) will turn 8 soon and be baptized. Krista has always struggled with lying. She will carry on a lie for an hour, even when we know 100% that she is lying. Yesterday for instance, she lied for 45 minutes about taking a bite of a piece of old food in the car that had fallen under a seat. I knew she was lying, because I saw…

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Is There Celestial Hope for One Who has Never Suffered Greatly?

QUESTION I read Choosing Glory yesterday and loved it. I just wanted to comment on the idea that suffering is the route to changing terrestrial to celestial. My life is one of peace, joy, service, love and deep-seated contentment. I can honestly say I have no trials in my life, only blessings. My husband is faithful, kind, has integrity and loves me. He has been gainfully employed our whole marriage except for a brief period…

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Response to an Abusive Marriage

QUESTION I was married in the Temple 18 years ago and I have 6 children living at home.  My marriage has been continually emotionally and at times physically abusive. My husband’s anger and rage lie just beneath the surface and we live in fear that he will explode at any moment.  I have asked my husband if we could please talk with our Bishop and he becomes enraged and refuses to talk to him.  I…

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Limits to Listening

QUESTION I saw your August 2010 Ed Week presentation on BYU TV (dealing with hurt and anger).  It was excellent!  My question is a side topic related to a point you mentioned in the presentation. I am the “trusted listener” for a woman with a lot of deep-rooted issues.  The problem is that all she does is “unload” – rehashing the exact same ground over and over and over. This has been her paradigm for…

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Can You Be Friends With a Spouse You Don’t Trust?

QUESTION My husband and I have serious marriage problems.  We’ve been married for 31 years and basically, I have never felt connected to him emotionally.  We married before I felt that connection, and I naively thought it was something you got after living together.  In my attempts to address this, he has felt inadequate to meet my needs for friendship and love.  In the past he has suggested that I find a girlfriend to meet…

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Does Depression Go With Us After This Life?

QUESTION There are two scriptures that have long troubled me that I would appreciate your perspective on. The scriptures are:  Alma [34:34] and Mormon [9:14]. Alma [34:34]: Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power…

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Parenting Question

QUESTION I understand the idea of “making it worth their while” in parenting.  However, could you give me some specific examples so I can understand how to apply it?  My youngest (of four) is fourteen–a darling daughter that I cherish.  I have taught her piano for a decade and still can’t seem to “make it worth her while” so she can really progress and come to use and enjoy it.  Also, feed her dog w/o…

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Teenage Son with Asperger’s

Note:  Asperger’s Syndrome is a milder variant of Autistic Disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, along with limited and repeated patterns of interest and behavior. QUESTION Any ideas for assisting our 17 year old son with Asperger’s who is very oppositional? ANSWER My husband, Chris, has worked with some clients like your son—late adolescence, Asperger’s, unmotivated, sometimes defiant. This is what he says. Chris: These are just some quick thoughts, many of which you…

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