GENERAL ARTICLES

Healing from a Hurtful Mother

QUESTION I am a mother of three young beautiful children, soon to be four at the end of this week. As I try hard to follow the Lord’s way in raising our children, I am overcome more and more by feelings of inadequacy, guilt and worthlessness. I have found myself reflecting on my own upbringing with a widowed mother (my father died when I was 5) who is very volatile and aggressive. Although she remembers…

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Supporting Traditional Marriage

I recently got an email from a former BYU student, now doing doctoral work in engineering in the Midwest. This young man wrote: I have a co-worker with whom I have been discussing the issue of same-sex marriage and the repercussions on society. He is pro-family in a traditional sense, but is unsure on his political responsibility in that regard. The co-worker said to me: “The real issue I want to learn more about is…

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Dads

My daughter, Eden, posted this on her blog recently and I find myself going back to it, once in a while, for sheer enjoyment. It always makes me smile. More and more, society seems to regard fatherhood as optional. 41% of childbirths in the U.S. occur outside marriage. In 2 of 3 of these births, the father is never legally identified. It is estimated that 36% of children in America live apart from their fathers.…

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Paying Our Debts

When I am employed in serving others, I don not look upon myself as conferring favors, but paying debts. – Benjamin Franklin My husband, Chris, went to the University of Oklahoma for his graduate degree. When we moved to Norman, Oklahoma, I was almost full term with our third baby.   My doctor had suggested I stay in Utah to have the baby—our third—and then join Chris after a few weeks, but I couldn’t imagine staying…

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On Choosing a Therapist

I am often asked how to choose a therapist. My answer: LET THE BUYER BEWARE. Here are a few thoughts. Therapy is not cheap, so it makes sense to begin by checking with your insurance to see if there may be some coverage for mental/emotional health services. If there is coverage, there is generally a provider list—a list of therapists that have contracted with the insurance company. If you don’t have any specific recommendation from…

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Planning Vs. Preparation

This thought comes from an insight my husband, Chris, had several years ago. In the course of his scripture studies, he noticed that God does not use the word “plan” as a verb.  Scripturally, the word, “plan,” is always a noun. “Plan(s)” appears in the standard works (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price) 34 times.  Notable uses of the word include the following: The Plan of Redemption The Plan…

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The Trouble With Giving Advice

There are at least two potential problems with advice-giving. First, it attempts to move the person in pain prematurely forward to rational problem-solving. Most of us are aware that when in the grip of strong emotion, it’s difficult to think all that rationally, so it’s not really a good idea to consider solutions until after the emotions have been released and lessened in intensity. And if problem-solving precedes emotional support, feelings are likely to be…

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A Necessary Delay

Apologies to those who check my blog for not posting this week. My husband, Chris, is in Haiti with the Church medical team and that rather dramatically impacted my week. Chris was the pioneer of CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) in LDS Family Services. While director of the Nevada Agency, he connected with the Red Cross and had his agency certified as disaster mental health workers. (That has quite the ring to it, doesn’t it? Disaster mental…

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Message For Moms

My new year started busy so I’ve been slower than I had hoped in posting. Here is a very brief post to get me back on track for 2010. This is a video clip of Nicole Johnson, a bestselling author, performer, and motivational speaker. Nicole has faced a number of personal challenges, including the divorce of her parents, childhood loneliness, loved ones with breast cancer and Alzheimer’s disease, and a difficult marriage ending in a…

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